Letter of the Day

The trail often delivers downloads filled with delightful ideas, insightful dreams and fresh perspectives.  Today’s message was deliberately short and sweet – just a letter: D  

Distracted by my lack of discipline and determined to stay on track and remain focused, these three D words directed my steps:  Discipline, Derailments and Detours. 

Discipline:  I have a love/hate relationship with this word.  To be fair, discipline is exactly what I need.   Discipline:  The practice of training to obey rules or a code of behavior.  Self-control.   I see the problem right away:  Obey rules.  However, if I’m the one creating the rules for the behavior that I want, why does this rub me wrong?  The very definition seems stifling, restrictive, uncomfortable and downright difficult.   Yes, and that is the very point of discipline.  If everyone could master the art of self-control, we would live happier, more enjoyable lives.   What?  Let me explain.

Discipline = Freedom.   When my world is descending upon me with worry, frustration and distractions, I am likely a victim of my own inability to follow a path of discipline.  Again, since I can create this daily or weekly pattern, the rules are self-imposed and not dictated by any outside source.   I want the outcome that the system I created will provide.   This sounds like a win win, right?   Then why do we all struggle?  My self-directed design must also be self-governed…insert a sigh of understanding.    This is the tall curb that I trip over every time.

A discipline is a habit; a plan of measurable action.  Something I do to achieve something I want.  A goal.  A change in circumstances. A doorway to a pre-determined objective.  Who doesn’t think this sounds like a terrific blueprint?  A dream come true – just follow the rules you make to enjoy the rewards you desire.  Easy peasy – let’s do it!   Oh, it’s very simple, but not at all easy.

A new habit or discipline begins with a healthy dose of motivation and excitement.  After all, you designed it to your specifications and you can almost feel the results and taste the win.  I’m ready, this will be great and I’m sure I’ve thought of everything.   All details are covered and accounted for.   Day 1:  Yes, I’m amazing.   Day 2:  Still a rock star.   Day 10:  Something came up, I’ll resume tomorrow.   Day 25:  I really should try to get back on track    Day 45:  Crickets…

What happened and why do I feel like a failure?   It’s entirely possible that the plan was too complicated.   Easy to sketch on paper, but not practical in your daily life.  We often shoot for the moon, only to find out we don’t have wings or a rocket.  An aspiration to change must start out small.   Building the foundation for lasting reform should be simple, short and enjoyable.   One tiny habit builds upon another and another and the solid base can then support the entirety of the bigger goal.  Bite size chunks.  Steady, consistent and actionable steps lead to results that compound (think financial strategies and the power of compounding interest).  Waiting for results is usually pretty dull.  Another one of my problems with the word Discipline.   It’s boring.   Yes, it is consistent and predictable and quite boring.  So is brushing your teeth.  Get over it because that’s how real change and long term results are achieved.

On my journey to health and fitness and strength and everything that encompasses, the path was not linear.  Up, down, sideways, backwards, starting again, revisiting and reworking patterns in new combinations.   One habit worked, the next was a disaster and unsustainable.  My first attempt is pretty much guaranteed to need an overhaul.  I kept trying, continued to learn and allowed myself to change things up.   I was consistent in my pursuit.  It became somewhat of a game to figure things out and that certainly kept the “boring” at bay.  Disciplines that worked got to stay and be improved upon.  Those that did not were discarded for alternatives.    It’s just the process and you cannot take any of this personally.  I did not fail, the system I put into place just didn’t work.   Keep moving, continue to try new angles and things will change.  

Derailment:  I began Trails Of Balance with much anticipation and motivation.  I wrote, edited and posted 11 blogs.  Then they stopped because I stopped.  I didn’t pay attention, had lack of focus and no real plan.   Writing every week was harder than I predicted and there was zero discipline set in motion to back me up.  Thinking I would continue for the shear sake of my ambition was foolish.   I did not create a pattern, a habit or any type of consistent accountability.   The absence of discipline brought everything to a screeching halt when that first distraction arrived (and it will inevitably arrive).    I was derailed with no stunt double to save me.   All that remained was a nagging pull to get back on the horse and life continued to throw wrenches and interference.  Derailments are hard to overcome because progress is stopped and you feel as if you’re broken down.   This can lead to the end of your much desired objective.   Derailments often are defeating and permanent.   With no back-up system for direction and a very new habit not yet solidly formed, this spells disaster and indeed, this is what happed to me and my writing.

My first mistake was not creating a plan for consistency.  When would I write and for how long?  Did I need a daily practice, or every other day?  What would be my measure of sticking to the target?  How do other writers create a schedule? I did not develop any strategy at all – just winging it.  A recipe that doesn’t taste very good when you’re trying to be a writer (insert any worthwhile endeavor you have in mind) and produce on a weekly basis.  I thought it would just “happen”….ha ha ha.    So silly.   Dabbling does not qualify as a method.  Start at the beginning and start with a plan, any plan.   You can always change, shift and adjust as you go along. 

Heading back around to my love of movement, of being outside and on the trails, I wanted to know why that particular habit never derailed.  In retrospect I can see the strong foundation of this life-long discipline.  My development of skills and honing of abilities surrounding movement and my love of the outdoors created a rock solid home base.   I could step off, take a brake, depart from the norm and jump right back on without skipping a beat.  Never feeling like I failed or gave up, it was more of a scenic bypass, a round-a-bout, a temporary diversion.   A Detour.

Detours:   Detours are unavoidable.  Detours are lurking around every corner and I used to grumble at them with irritation and annoyance.   Not anymore.  Many people label these side jaunts as “cheat days”, especially when connected to a diet or eating plan and I do not agree.  I am not cheating, not lying or even stepping around the truth.   A “cheat” implies that I’m being sneaky or less than impeccable with my deeds.  I struggled to find the correct description for wandering off and the trail delivered:  Detour

I love these so much.  This crazy amazing word is a game changer for me.   I’m not being a fraud, I’m not quitting and I’m not losing sight of the long-term goal.   Detours are dependable – they will always happen.   Offering a much needed respite, their appearance is welcomed with enthusiasm.   They can happen spontaneously or I can plan deliberately for them to arrive.  Both are greeted warmly as required highlight features along the journey.   Detours are the spice of life, in my opinion.  They bring joy, special gifts, a break in the ordinary, unexpected perspectives, variety and fun.  

Interjecting these diversions into any discipline is magic.  They lighten the load, provide opportunities to see things a little differently and best of all they are temporary in nature.   Detours allow a more fluid component to grace every habit and I honor their purpose.  Not here to throw me off the tracks, but to keep me balanced.  I aim for 85% discipline and 15% detour and I track my patterns to stay within this safety zone.   It’s a sweet spot for me and when I pay attention this formula allows both progress and freedom. Detours take the heavy that can sometimes surround a strict discipline and throw in a smile.  I always look forward to their company. 

Shockingly, not every habit I begin will stick around, even with the detours peppered in for good measure.  There is no need to feel defeated and in fact, this is an opportunity for a shift.  Better clarification and fine tuning of any discipline leads to a clearer system and smoother forward development.  A habit should be fluid, moving with your goals, not pushing against them.   You will know when a process isn’t working.   That once perfect routine worked yesterday, but not today.    The point of a habit is not to stay static – it should grow and evolve alongside you.   Don’t shy away from the flow of adjusting. 

There is no shame – this is your game.

Discipline = Freedom.   Yes, I know this, but the pill is still sometimes hard to swallow.   Detours make Discipline bearable.

Detours have literally saved the day for me.   Life gets to happen with glittery sprinkles of spontaneity.   I can work toward my goal with great tenacity and know there are fun side trips along with way.   I can follow a disciplined path without feeling like I’m drowning in a monotonous routine.   I am capable of accepting the detours knowing I’m not derailed – confident that I can still see the path and return.    I have not lost sight of the goal I’ve created and the journey is so much more enjoyable.   

I enjoy experimenting with new habits and routines and no longer face them with dread. This is not to say their ability to take me to my knees is completely removed. This option is always available to Discipline and must be respected. A destructive derailment power is real and we've likely all felt the sting of defeat of our best laid plans.

On the flip side, well designed habits help me win, lead me to my goals and provide opportunities to learn and expand.  Small steps, simple tasks and room for a few detours along the way is a nice balance.   A derailment happens when a pattern you want has not been reinforced with a plan of measurable action…aka Discipline. 

Off I go now to create that plan of measurable action.   To begin again, to try anew with a deeper understanding and better tools.  Prepared to pick up the hammer and build those solid footings along the path of becoming the consistent writer I so desire to be. Detours allowed.