Ridiculous Wishes

My dear friend is moving again.  Like me, we’re circumstantial nomads.  We change locations a lot and not always by choice.  Sometimes it’s just necessary for a myriad of reasons.

We both find joy wherever we can and generously scatter it about this morning. A package of chocolate cupcakes is patiently waiting on the kitchen table and I comment on how tempting and delicious they look.   Her remark makes us laugh, “Since it’s my birthday tomorrow, I took the day off from work and bought myself some cupcakes.”  She adds,   “I know that’s a bit ridiculous." I do not agree and declare “Ha!  That is definitely NOT ridiculous.   I think it’s much deserved and I would totally do the same thing.”  She explains that her mom found fault in anything that did not conform or she didn’t approve of and my friend spent her life hearing about how ridiculous her ideas, actions or even choice of clothing were.   “So,” she continues, “I’ve tried to live my adult life being as ridiculous as possible."   “Don’t be ridiculous!” I joke and the theme of the day is set over this comical motto.

Danger, Danger. Benign or harmless are not the correct adjectives to describe how these kill-joy comments can stick like glue and shape our lives.   Their hidden meaning is based in fear: don't be different, don't be unique and certainly don't do anything to embarrass yourself or me. You must stay in the lane I want you to be in, not the one you might choose for yourself. Words of worry and limitation hope to prevent any harm from befalling us. Meant to keep us small, our wings are clipped and the cage door is shut, for our own protection, of course. Don't fly, it's too scary and harm could come. So could connection, elation, experience, divine guidance and giant chocolate cupcakes with bright yellow candles.

The intention of the “ridiculous” label seems to have backfired, providing fuel to the fire of living in the exact opposite direction.   In the attempt to diminish, the recipient of this toxic sentiment sprints to the other side of the field to plant daisies.   A classic example of you get what you resist.  You attract and create the very thing you’re pushing against.   She repeatedly told her daughter to not be ridiculous and guess what path her daughter took?

Ridiculous.

How do we pay attention and cultivate correctly? How can our words encourage? As adults we have more control and awareness over the input and where it gets filed. Is this garbage or useful? Friend or foe? As children, this discernment is not available. They are sponges, absorbing every word, every action. We are responsible for our words as they fall upon their fertile minds. Are you using them as a weapon of control, an attempt to build walls and spread fear or offering encouragement, love and possibilities of unlimited potential?

We carry on with our sorting and organizing tasks and journey down the rabbit hole of how “ridiculous” we are, finding all manner of confirmations to our newly adopted statement.   Brainstorming and feeding off the energy, we laugh and delight in all the ways we can achieve this “unwanted” state.  Yes, we are poking fun, but I reflect on just how damaging and lasting this careless remark was.

What can I do? While we turned this into a game and mocked the phrase, I am reminded that words contain the potential for growth.   Every little comment or side remark can land in just enough soil to grow and I must be careful in my choices.   Am I offering a noxious weed or sunflowers?   My personal fears and petty assumptions do not require sharing, passing along or even repeating in my own unsuspecting mind, let alone speaking them out loud and infecting anyone else.  I possess the power to stop the virus.

This repeated teaching by her mother was potent and easily took root, creating a strong network of vines. Vines that, over time, can take us out, destroying from within.   The directive is still very much alive.   We make light of it today, but I’ll venture to say it continues to possess venom and sting.   The unfortunate mind you infect with poisonous words may be strong enough to refuse the dart, but often there is a piece so tiny that it slides in undetected.  These are the most insidious as it can take years for someone to recognize the source of pain, recover, pull that plant and remove the thorns, if they ever do.

Words are much too powerful to throw around like this.

Even though “ridiculous” is used for our amusement today, it was not delivered with that intent.   Our flip of meaning allows us to turn the energy around and make it work for good. Not always an easy shift and many programs we run in our minds are buried so deeply we don’t even realize they exist.   Masters of disguise, they lie hidden in the shadows.  We unknowingly let them stay, grow and influence our behavior, emotions and reactions.  It takes a lot of hard work and inner reflection to recognize, pinpoint and pinch the weeds. Sure wish they were not planted in the first place.

Lunch time has come after a very fun morning of packing, catching up and reminding ourselves how ridiculous we both are.   Cupcakes are set free and she places a candle in hers.  Turning to me she offers another candle “Would you like a candle in yours, too?”  I laugh and exclaim “Don’t be ridiculous, of course I do!”   Adorned with sunshine yellow candles we sing, make wishes and together we blow out the flames.   Savoring our delicious cupcakes I realize a new tradition has just begun.

I love this idea of sharing a birthday wish and record my intent to carry this forward.   Cupcakes for all and a candle, too!  Sharing is always better and including others magnifies the joy of any occasion.   An explosion of joy ensues.  She planted a seed of “Ridiculous” in my mind.   This one is laughable, joyful and fun.   Not a weed at all, but a beautiful flower from a beautiful friend.   I’m hoping our day of humor has plucked out some of her vines.   Our time together certainly reminded me of the importance of words.   The words I say to myself and the ones I express to others.

Do something utterly ridiculous today and share your light with those who need it.   Pay attention to what you scatter. Pull a few weeds and share your smile.